Fourteen: An Overthinker's Relationship Journey.....

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Relationship is hurting when you actually love

Everyday when I love her , I feel like she’s gonna push me away and leave me. I overthink in every where

My heart is feeling the hurt I feel every time I get rejected but it is zoomed in 2 times bigger.

My heart just cannot handle any of this. I love her a lot. Even when she say I’ll talk to you later kills me.

When you love someone as much you will put everything into the relationship and you will feel the pain when the other rejects you. Your heart will be pinched and poke with needles.

I know I’m not the best to be hers but I just hope she won’t leave me because of that .

It’s probably gonna happen I think....

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In the start of the Relationship, me as an overthinker faces problem through trust and doubt where It gives me unknown and unpredictable events that may occur to break me down where I may lose the sense of myself. It had been torturing so let me explain deeper.

To me, every word my significant other say matters to me a lot, at least used to. Where a little compliment flutters my heart and a goodbye completely conquers me even when it is very late at night. Where I really love, I pour my heart into it, I jump out the cliff like a bird flying for the first time. It can really creep someone out and that may be a weakness I have.

I always feel I am not the best person to date because us human has big insecurities which consists looks personalities and etc. It is very heart breaking to know. Where we look into the mirror wishing for a colorful butterfly but just got a caterpillar. We see everyone as the beauty they are but not ourselves and it cause us to worry the significant other will just leave like that.

Terrified? Of course, but isn't that love? The development we get to trust and grow. Of course we are all worry because of the act of other relationship, the cheats, the insults and the ways they do not communicate. That's just a picture we worry in the head. Isn't it?

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Golden I need to tell you something

I’m gonna be straightforward okay so please don’t get sad and stuff

I like you I really do like but I just don’t want a relationship I hate saying this but I want us to be best friends like I still like you I still appreciate all the things u have bought for me and like gave me the flowers the gifts and everything but I just wanna be best friends best friends until we look like a couple that type I just don’t really want a relationship now

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And l am right , she left me .

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Where now we face the bridge of breakup. The one where we always never want to step on because we know ourselves that we are going to fall. our heart is going to break. The hope is going to be gone. And now we are here, stuck in the bottomless pit of misery. Or is it?

A heart that is broken into million of pieces, that we call a multiple path. Where it is broken into a million shards pointing into every direction around you. They told us to follow our heart but sometimes when we have a million pieces of our hearts, Which should we now follow? Who do we find to fix? Is there even someone who would fix it? 

I do not know anymore.

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Good morning ,

 I’ll be offline today and I’ll not text you for whole day til probably tomorrow. I’m sorry about this. Yesterday had made me heart broken but I understand everything you tried to tell me.

I need you to understand that when I love someone I would do anything to make them happy. So if you’re happy if you’re single , idm you breaking up with me so don’t put all this on yourself.

We have our outside struggles and obstacles and this is a new one for me. Maybe I thought _____’s way can be better for me but it’s only better for short term. But I’m thankful you talked to me and chat with me about it .

Today will be like my alone time , I need today to think and reflect and like cool myself down. I Understand being in a relationship is bad so I’m sorry. I’m also sorry to make ur feelings for me sometimes on and off.

I’ll talk to you tmr

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